Makes You Think...

So I'm sitting in my grandmothers kitchen across from my cousin typing this and it's sad the circumstances that have brought us together this week. My uncle passed away in a motorcycle accident this weekend, the details surrounding it have not been brought to light completely but so far it's is tragic and something that should have never happened. I should not be sitting here writing from North Carolina, I should be in New York sitting at my desk at work not preparing for a wake of a wonderful man that left this world way to soon. My uncle was only fifty years old and so full of life, we might not have been close but I know he loved me more than anything just like I loved him. He loved the New York Yankees, music, the Miami Dolphins, his family and most of all motorcycles which I guess in some ways it's bittersweet that's what he passed away doing riding his bike with his friends. I wish I could write the whole story behind his passing but until the investigation is over I don't want to to write anything that isn't the truth. I should get in the shower and start getting ready for the wake, I'm not sure we are ready for this yet.


RIP Uncle Kevin

Update to this chaotic life

I haven’t updated this much and to be honest I think I was avoiding it, so much has gone on within my life and I haven’t handled all of it well. The wedding is off and will no longer happen this year, yes we are still together and very much in love; people never took into consideration what Matt and I wanted, and all of a sudden thought we were rushing into getting married and making their opinions known, so after a long 4 mile walk at 8 o’clock at night we came to the decision to put our wedding off. It still bothers me especially because everything was planned out, we had nothing left to do but order our favors, the day this all happened we had put our deposit down at the reception site, and almost ordered $400 dollars of personalized wedding favors.

I want to be married to Matt more than anything right now, and with my brothers deployment coming up so quickly I wanted to make sure it happened before he left, now it looks like we won’t be getting married until 2013, at least nobody can say we are rushing then. I still haven’t figured out the proper etiquette of letting people know we aren’t getting married, especially our guest from out of town.

So for the last nine weeks I have been in training at my new job, June 13^th I started working at Empire BlueCross BlueShield, it’s not my dream job but it has benefits, I like most of the people I work with and it’s at least in the health care field which I wanted thanks to nursing school. We are finally done with training August 12^th, the day before my birthday which my brother won’t be here for this year; he’s mobilizing for his deployment for the next few months and won’t be home. I’m not even excited for my birthday this year, there is nothing I really want, except for my new Nikon Camera, which Matt is getting me; I’m so excited for that. I cannot wait to use my new camera when we go to New York City later this month so Matt can see the New York Giant’s training camp and then we are going to go sightseeing and be tourist.

Hope everyone is having a good month, better than my last few ones have been.

oh baby

So tomorrow will be one week that MB and I have been engaged, yes folks I'm getting married. It's been a very fast three months, but I wouldn't change anything that has happened; the good and the bad, I'll take it all. I know people are judging us because our engagement will be longer than our "dating" relationship, but to each his own.. right?

I wouldn't want my life any different than it is right now, well other than I would like to have my nursing license already, and for this semester to be over with, it just hasn't been a good one. I go today to start the search for my perfect wedding dress, keep in mind our wedding isn't until June 2013, thanks very kindly to the ARMY keeping my brother busy for the next two years, but MB and I are willing to wait even if it means a two year engagement. 

We started making a guest list, of course it can change any day but we haven't even gotten to his family and we already have 97 people, can you say a wedding of 200..that's enough to stress me out right there and of course when I ask for a courthouse wedding and a small reception, I'm met with a firm "NO." Trying to find a place that can hold that many people but isn't going to cost us $100 a plate is going to be fun because there is no way we are spending $20,000 on a wedding, I'll take that for a down payment on a house, thanks.

Where do you draw the line as to who to invite to your wedding, I mean yeah it's supposed to be about you but at the same time there is family you don't talk to ever but expects to be invited, family friends, friends of parents and then you haven't even gotten to your own friends. Should you have to sacrifice your friends so that your parents friends can come and celebrate your day with you, what if you've never even met these friends.

Wedding planning is hard, especially when there are so many things that can affect the guest list, in the end you have to remember it's your day but honestly that is hard.  

Hello World

So I haven't blogged in a few years, five to be exact..I think I'm going to use this like my journal, I'll change peoples names of course and only those close to me will know who I'm talking about like my girlfriend in Washington, she will always be in on the secrets while some of you might be scratching your head wondering who I might be talking about. 

I'm sitting here putting off everything I'm supposed to do like my homework that's due at some point today, and trying to catch myself back up on classes I missed last week thanks to the major snow we have gotten in New York, I missed 3 out of 4 days either because of the weather or because my car. It's been a hard few days for me and I'm not really sure why, but CW has made it so much easier for me, she's like my therapist but in Washington. I can call her and vent to her about anything that's going on in my life and she calms me down talks me out of my insecurities or puts them into perspective for me.